Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as ESPN 5.0, VIDEO GAME 3.0 and ULTIMATE FIGHTING 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?



First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

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5 Responses
  1. Robin Says:

    Oh god, this is good! Wiping away tears of laughter!
    I am on Husband 5.0 and the good news is that the program does tend to run better as it gets upgraded. My guess is that Husband 2.0 (next year's version) will run a little smoother. Less bugs and almost no crashes.
    Hey, do you know if there's Back Massage 2.0 out there? The 1.0 version suuuucks! :)
    Great post. One of my faves!

  2. Blarney, this rocks! How have you been?

  3. Ann Says:

    Absolutely fantastic!
    You are so talented!!!!
    (You're going to be in a book some day, I just know it :-> )

  4. Amy Says:


    I love this post!


  5. Cathy M Says:

    Very clever and funny.