I'll admit the 'girls' aren't what they used to be. Let's just say, since having children and breastfeeding they seem to require more 'support & concealing efforts' than my younger counterparts.

I have spent many a wasted shopping day wandering from store to stores' intimate section looking dazed and frustrated. I have spent so much time in 'intimates' that I've even been known to take work related phone calls sitting on the floor surrounded by mountains of 'try ons' ~ if they only knew at the time.

Until last week I was convinced, would have bet Vegas on the fact, that all bras are designed by men for men. Bras are yet another cruel joke being played on woman kind to remind us if we aren't already hard enough on ourselves the male species is more than willing to remind us we do not fit the ideal body type.

Sure they made a good attempt when they came up with the concealing petal stickers but you do know they have to come off. Um .. NO thank you. Not to mention trying to stick those puppies on and not get a big crease running through them ... right. Then there's the foam ... excuse me padded bras. If you seen what I was dealing with you'd totally understand why I don't need more in my bra. Plus at my age overheating happens frequently. I don't need an extra layer of foam anywhere on my body ~ period.

Today right there ~ hanging on a little island oasis (with a possible overhead spotlight) was the new Bali Concealing Petals Bra. Concealing petals ... concealing petals ... yes that's it .... concealing petals IN the bra! Someone, probably a woman, actually found a solution for the well endowed post breast feeding heat stricken Mom over 40 whose kids have stretched their 'intimates' to new proportions and left us walking around with our 'safety lights' on 24/7.

In complete joy I shared my new findings with the husband, even mentioned if all worked out I was going back to clear out their stock. There was no way I was letting this opportunity pass me or the 'girls' by. I had finally found a bra that had the potential to conceal the 'girls' ... it was a stroke of genius surely no male could understand. There I was standing with a beautiful bouquet of petals and I was basking in the joy of the moment.

With a grin and cautious voice Husband chimes in "I'll look out for you!"

Thanks Dear.

PS . Opened email today to find this message from my Mom; says it all really.

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone elses thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.


P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
1 Response
  1. This flower blog had me laughing out loud when I saw it yesterday and just was reading it through again. I've got an oldie in my archives about buying a bra with my daughter. There is just something about bra stories that crack me up. Thanks for the big giggle on a rainy Wisconsin day.